Without an all knowing god promising a perfect plan for your life, eternal promises certainly hit a little differently now. If you’ve ever had your reality challenged on that level you can imagine how tricky dating after purity culture can be. Writer and speaker Drew Bekius joins me this week for a personal conversation about life and love after faith loss.
Read moreBringing the Heart into the Present
I know mindfulness can be one of those words that gets thrown around so much it can feel like it hardly means anything. Mindfulness and sex? It’s hard to even imagine what that means- hopefully my conversation with Callye Lawrence can help clear that up. Catch the episode below and be sure to check back here afterwards for some footNOTES!
What’s Sex Got To Do With Mindfulness? by Jeremy Adam Smith for Mindful
How to Use Your Brain to Have Better Sex by Jill Hamilton for Oprah Daily
Mindful Sex by Andy Puddicombe for Headspace
9 Ways Mindfulness Practice Can Improve Your Sex Life by Jason N. Linder for Psychology Today
The role of sexual mindfulness in sexual wellbeing, Relational wellbeing, and self-esteem
Journal of sex & marital therapy, 45(6), 497–509
The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions by Christopher K. Germer
Radical Acceptance: Awakening the Love That Heals Fear and Shame by Tara Brach
Good Morning, I Love You: Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Practices to Rewire Your Brain for Calm, Clarity, and Joy by Shauna Shapiro PhD
Porn, huh?
I was once told that there is one sin that always goes alongside porn- masturbation (*shiver*) . Fast forward a couple of degrees, countless conversations with clients, co-hosts and guests on SecX and uh, a fair amount of personal research and turns out there is just so, so much more to porn. Catch my conversation with Laura and Sinn below and be sure to check back afterwards for some footNOTES!
Read moreTrans Incarceration
It’s conversations like the one I’m scheduled to have with Nell that make me want to dream of a better future. One where violent gender discrimination and institutionalized invisibility don’t further complicate the lives of the already incredibly vulnerable trans folx in our community. Catch the conversation with Trans Pride Initiative President Nell Gaither.
Read moreMasking
Depending on where you look, about a quarter of us are neurodiverse. This can mean dramatically different experiences of the world for nearly half of all couples- but we don’t really talk about it much. Ready to shine some light on the ways we hide these relationships or mask ourselves while in them is Marie D’Elephant, friend of the show and everyone’s favorite agnostic.
Read moreState of Disunion
Math text books (but not American institutions) are racist, a supreme court justice is a pedophile, and Elon Musk is going to ‘save’ twitter? What’s a sex podcast to do? This week I’m joined by the ACA’s Kenneth Leonard to see what we can learn, what we can do and whether or not it’s too late.
Read more"All the time/Hardly Ever" AKA "Once, maybe Twice a week"
For some reason our culture has decided that all men want all sex all the time, women never want sex (unless it’s in Victorian England?) and the battle of the sexes is really between the over and under sexed. Fortunately my friends, there’s a better way and sexologist and sex coach Dr. Renee may have some of the answers.
Read moreSexual Intelligence
This week I was honored to speak in front of the Humanist Society of Greater Phoenix about sexual intelligence and the mindful intentionality and acceptance inherent to great sex.
Read moreThe Medical Model of Transgender Bodies
How should we understand someone whose gender doesn’t match their understanding of their body? Is their body something that needs to be fixed, or celebrated? Medical research scientist and physician MD Aware from Truth Wanted joins me on this week’s SecX to walk us through his thoughts and to take your calls and questions.
Read moreHow and When To Say 'Gay'
‘Don’t say gay’: anti-equality legislation spreading state by state in the US by Chrissy Stroop for Open Democracy
Texas parents with trans kids speak out on shocking ‘child abuse’ policy by Chrissy Stroop for Open Democracy
Teachers fear the chilling effect of Florida's so-called 'Don't Say Gay' law by Melissa Block for NPR
While red states restrict abortion, blue states are voting to protect access by Jaclyn Diaz for NPR
Maryland Bill That Would Codify Abortion Rights Draws Backlash from Anti-Abortion Groups by Bethania Palma for Snopes
Mindfulness, Math and Meta Self-Compassion
Through this practice we remind ourselves that we are the source of our own pain, that we are the recipients of that pain and that we are responsible for soothing that pain. In this exercise it may seem that we are rewarding ourselves for the behavior we want to change. Instead you are rewarding yourself for being mindful, for being aware and present with the part of yourself that is hurting. In fact we are not only our own worst enemies but also our own victims and our own best support.
Read moreWet an' hard or hardly wet?
Arousal is such a sticky, um, concept, it’s no wonder our society finds it so hard and long to describe. What’s more, the patriarchal myths we’ve erected do little to lubricate the complex chemistry of sex and doubtlessly compound our complicity in less than consensual congress. Confused? High Priestess Shannon Q returns to SecX to soothe the throbbing questions before us.
Read moreThe Self-Compassion Break
If you are new to the study of mindful self-compassion or are seeking to refresh or re-explore your practice with a beginners mind, what follows is an overview of the exercise breaking down the essential elements, a collection of tips, tricks and best practices and a summary of the research supporting these strategies.
Read moreMiss O Kissed by Latex
Introduce a little claustrophilia into your life this week with one of SecX’s all time favs- Miss O Kissed. Miss O Kissed has brought us some of the most interesting topics from her incredible life including neuroqueering, asexuality and burlesque and I honestly couldn’t be more excited to learn about her work as a designer and fetishist. Latex, rubberism and a plenty of swooshing sounds
Read moreGreat Sexpectations
With great sex cums great responsibility or… honestly that movie had too many characters. Instead, like poor Pip, let’s take a moment to consider how our assumptions and demands about sex may actually get in the way of the great sex we wish we were having. The pervasive myths and misrepresentations of human sexuality, so prevalent in our culture, more often then not set us up for failure. This week with the help of Kara Griffin and Nate Smith we work to understand those Victorian values and deconstruct our own culture of purity.
Read moreThe Performers with Chelsea Poe
The media has a lot to say about sex work but rarely do we get to hear from sex workers themselves. This week’s guest Chelsea Poe knows something about media representation and in recent months has offered the world The Performer’s Pod with Chelsea Poe, a long form interview podcast exploring the life and times of modern sex workers.
Read moreLabels Are For Soup Cans
SecX has spoken before on the idea of soul mates but I think deeper then that is a magical assumption about the nature of ‘the soul.’ Even if we recognize that there’s no such metaphysical, magical energy animating our bodies, we all seem to be seeking a certain quietness of mind, where our true identity, thoughts and desires can be heard. But if there is no still quiet voice that makes us us, then what the hell are we? And how the hell are we supposed to show anyone else?
Read moreMy Body/Rights/Income
‘Whore’ has been such a dirty word for such a long time that few of us ever stop to ask why the idea of selling sex seems to be so salacious. In a world where economic freedom and bodily autonomy are doubly denied to women we deem the commerce of coitus as obviously anathema. 4’ 8” #1 legal prostitution heavy weight Alice Little returns to the show to walk Johnny and I through the complexities and legalities of cash for connection.
Read moreThe Fantasy of Sex Addiction
Sex can be scary. We want it, sure, but we also tend to worry about how much we want it. So much so that it almost feels like it controls us, and sometimes, I think we wish that it would. If we we’re addicted to porn, we wouldn’t be able to say no to it.
Read moreThe Science of Genetic Sex
Turns out a middle school understanding of ‘biological sex’ is a fair bit rudimentary so we brought in a (student) expert to (student) teach us what the hell is going on between our chromosomes and legs, to take your calls and questions and to finally answer the question “Who should be allowed to pee in here?”
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